My Little Apple Tree (draft #27)

All week long I’ve raged against my inadequacies. I’ve wrestled with words and lost...repeatedly.

I wanted to write about the apple tree in my backyard. She has been my meditation all summer. I sit outside at all hours of the day and night and quietly observe the life teeming around that little tree. She’s the main spar in a circus tent filled to overflowing with curious souls whose lives are filled with drama, excitement, fear, pathos, suffering, gluttony, mischief, serenity, beauty, dignity, wisdom, valor and love.

This humble tree is important to many…and to me.

I wanted to put these meditations into words and woefully discovered that my talents are sorely lacking. Everything I wrote felt maudlin, superficial, or Disney-esque. I think part of my problem is that I’ve yet to fully wrap my mind around the interconnectedness of it all. To sit and reflect upon something as commonplace as an apple tree - and the birds and mammals that that she nurtures - takes me down a rabbit hole towards deeper meanings and deeper truths and even deeper still towards...what to name it? God? The Ultimate Observer? The Oneness of Life? How does one parse Awe? How can I express the awe within me and the awe at the heart of the universe (is there a difference?)? I can’t do it. I tried...believe me...I tried. I give up. All I can say is that this exercise has left me pondering: Which is the more benign, beneficent and blessed creation...the little apple tree or I?

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