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Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'm Grateful

A week ago, I clutched a handful of photographs close to my heart and grieved for what was and will never be. I’m just like that. I carry within my genetic code a melancholy gene.

Not for a moment did I consider that this private act and that soliloquy could ripple through the ether to rouse a bevy of angels-in-waiting. I am reminded, time and again, that my world is peopled by angels. Still, I’m no less surprised each and every time.

I’m not one to question the how’s or why’s of magic or miracles.
I greatly prefer awe to certitude. And I am truly awed by the warm hearts and kind souls who took the time to offer their commentary and personal notes. Better still, I came to find your respective sagas, the recounting of heartaches more fearsome than my own...yet, told with such grace, good humor and optimism. It does a heart good
to know it is not alone. It does a soul good to laugh again.

I am a most fortunate man in that countless strangers have come to my rescue whenever I’ve been lost at sea. I’ll never know why. Is it because a drowning man will grab at any hand (whether offered or not), or is there a collective goodness…a cosmos filled with unwitting guardian angels? I prefer to think it’s the latter.

Blanche DuBois was on to something when she said: “Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

So have I, Blanche…so have I.

* * *

Some thirty years ago, when I lay sprawled, a bloody mess, after my first divorce, Sara came to my rescue. She was considerably older and far more accomplished than I. She took one look at my bloodshot, zombie eyes and clucked. Then clucked again, and took me under wing. Well…she did quite a bit more than that. She ravished me.
A good old-fashioned, rollicking, toe-curling ravishment is powerful medicine.

She single-handedly lifted me to my feet and sent me on my way.

* * *

Funny, just the other day, the Poet Princess of Oz asked if I would ever post another poem of mine. “Not likely,” I replied. Offering my doggerel to a poet is akin to offering chicken-scratch to a calligrapher. Here’s living proof, I guess, that I’ve still got a lot more gnothi-seautoning to do…but this poem, decades old, resonates within me once again:

Especially for Sara

Sometimes the boy
Gets down and drunk
And crazy
But warm hearts
Save him from a fall

Sometimes he spends
Nights thinking
His pain will crack the sky
Finds braver hands
Stretched waiting

Boy broods, boy laughs
His pockets full of questions
Emptied at their touch
Boy writes this poem
His way of prayer
For those who make
Him whole again

* * *

Two months ago, I wrote:

“I feel as if I’m some ancient navigator who looks to the heavens to chart his course, only to find all the stars have drowned in the sea.”

It’s been a long night, my friends, a very long, dark and lonely night.
I know that, tonight, when I turn my gaze towards Heaven, I shall see stars…

* * *


* * *

12 Comments:

Blogger Sally-Sal said...

So beautifully written.
And yes, it's guardian angels.

Just remember, that angels sometimes look like the rest of us...

Thu Jan 18, 07:47:00 PM  
Blogger Fiona said...

A wonderful post....evocative, heartfelt and full of hope and promise.

Tis true what Sally says about the angels, I have found some very mortal-looking ones myself!!

Thu Jan 18, 07:52:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you both for the kind words. Yes, I do believe that angels look like just you, me, anyone and everyone. I believe I've met a few (more than a few). I've even written about angels before:

http://attwilightblog.blogspot.com/2005/11/angels-among-us.html

Thu Jan 18, 08:00:00 PM  
Blogger Sally-Sal said...

Once, when I was at my wits' end, broken, and lost, a man approached me.
I was in a 7-11, I was buying beer, and this man walks up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, looks into my eyes, says to me (as my eyes are tearing up) "It always gets better."

And, he was right. :)

I still wish I could hug him...

Thu Jan 18, 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Interesting, isn't it, how we remember random acts of kindness...those unexpected tender mercies...

Thu Jan 18, 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Green-Eyed Girl said...

They're always there, even when life is going well, helping us, but we don't notice. That's the wonderful part -- then they're there when life gets hard.

Fri Jan 19, 03:09:00 AM  
Blogger eleanor said...

Even old poems resonate loudly when them come from the heart...

Sun Jan 21, 05:40:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

That is so very sweet and kind of you to say, Eleanor. Yes, my poem is heartfelt...but, sadly, artless. I look to you for art and magic. I look to my heart for simple truths.

And, yes, Ms. Green Eyes, angels are ever present...these comments are the proof.

Sun Jan 21, 05:49:00 PM  
Blogger Sunny Delight said...

What a lovely tribute to your readers/blogfriends and to the woman who soothed your wounds at a time when a true ravishment seemed to indeed be the best medicine.

I love your line "It does a soul good to laugh again." It brought to mind that effervescent lightness of being that wells up from our souls.

*sigh* I am having the hardest time with word verification tonight...time to get the ol' glasses out.

Mon Jan 22, 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Ah, Ms. Delight! (It seems most appropriate to say I'm delighted you stopped by).

Mon Jan 22, 11:14:00 PM  
Blogger Humour and last laugh said...

Great blog.

Tue Jan 23, 09:11:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you, Mr. Humour.

Thu Jan 25, 12:23:00 AM  

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