Mind Cramps

The wheels in my head keep spinning, but I’m not getting anywhere. There are thoughts, just beyond the edge of language that feel important…immense, but I just can’t bring them into sufficient focus to understand their meaning. My skull is filled with germs of thought (the soul’s neutrinos, if you will) that vibrate, merge, dance and disappear within a maelstrom of emotions. I’ve touched on them briefly…a vision of a heart being entrusted to another’s hands. And a feeling…a dream…a consequential notion: “being cherished.”

I’m already mucking this up. I suppose this entry will serve as an object lesson that one can’t write cogently about topics just outside one’s mental and emotional grasp. Still, I keep searching for insight and striving for clarity. I can be doggedly persistent when need be. I know that, this time, I must come to some understanding, for I somehow know that these twinned notions – giving up one’s heart and feeling cherished – have been the wellsprings of my greatest joy and deepest pain. I have to crawl out of my emotional foxhole and search in earnest, for I desperately want to know what these elusive thoughts mean. It feels as if my life depends on it.

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