Their Song Remains
At approximately 3:00 AM my Mother breathed her last. Miles away, I was alone and wide-awake in bed, just as I have been each night for weeks on end...waiting. Still, the phone call came as a rude shock.
I stared in disbelief as it rang.
I took the news calmly. There were arrangements to be made, forms to be filled, protocols to be followed. Most could wait till daybreak. The brain did what it had to do, will do what it must do.
Then I sat in darkness, and allowed my heart to do what it must do.
I had honestly thought that my tears had all run dry by now. After all, it had been such a long, long good-bye, a seemingly endless travail awash in tears. I had been saying good-bye to my Mother (grieving all the while) for years on end as I watched her slowly disintegrate before my eyes. I was wrong about the tears, though. It appears the heart's well of sorrow has no bottom. The tears came. Slowly, at first…and then in torrents. I am now an orphan, and I cried an orphan’s tears, suffered an orphan’s pain.
* * *
My sister and I will commingle my parents’ ashes and bury them in the Lithuanian cemetery. It is only fitting that these two passionate lovers spend eternity together, holding each other in perpetuity in their most intimate embrace. I am glad for them. They were always meant to be together.
And I will carry on alone now…never again seeing their smiles, hearing them answer my questions or having them quell my fears. Never again will I feel their embrace or their kisses.
They live in Song now.
Though both are gone, their Song remains. I will carry it forever within me, for they were the ones who created, then fashioned, my heart and taught me to listen. Through them, I came to hear the Song of Love and Life...the Song at the heart of everything.
* * *
I learned something else in the darkness. I learned that the deeper the sorrow, the hotter the tears. My eyes and face are burned beyond recognition.
I stared in disbelief as it rang.
I took the news calmly. There were arrangements to be made, forms to be filled, protocols to be followed. Most could wait till daybreak. The brain did what it had to do, will do what it must do.
Then I sat in darkness, and allowed my heart to do what it must do.
I had honestly thought that my tears had all run dry by now. After all, it had been such a long, long good-bye, a seemingly endless travail awash in tears. I had been saying good-bye to my Mother (grieving all the while) for years on end as I watched her slowly disintegrate before my eyes. I was wrong about the tears, though. It appears the heart's well of sorrow has no bottom. The tears came. Slowly, at first…and then in torrents. I am now an orphan, and I cried an orphan’s tears, suffered an orphan’s pain.
* * *
My sister and I will commingle my parents’ ashes and bury them in the Lithuanian cemetery. It is only fitting that these two passionate lovers spend eternity together, holding each other in perpetuity in their most intimate embrace. I am glad for them. They were always meant to be together.
And I will carry on alone now…never again seeing their smiles, hearing them answer my questions or having them quell my fears. Never again will I feel their embrace or their kisses.
They live in Song now.
Though both are gone, their Song remains. I will carry it forever within me, for they were the ones who created, then fashioned, my heart and taught me to listen. Through them, I came to hear the Song of Love and Life...the Song at the heart of everything.
* * *
I learned something else in the darkness. I learned that the deeper the sorrow, the hotter the tears. My eyes and face are burned beyond recognition.
* * *
posted by Jonas | 7/18/2006 06:20:00 AM
8 Comments:
Peace, Jon.
Thank you, Ed.
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, Jonas.
You shared a day to remember, and I found your account both moving and very uplifting.
Sadness is the beginning of hope, and the foundation of strength.
Thank you, Nigel. I am grateful that you appeared at a time when any word of sympathy or solace means so much. I'll take it on faith that sadness is the beginning of hope. I suffer from a surfeit of sadness...I truly need a treasure trove of hope. Either way life goes on...
Thank you, Nattu. Now go out and conquer Badwater!
My heart and prayers go out to you. May hers find peace.
Thank you, Amaris. I know my Mother has found peace at last. I'll gratefully accept all the prayers I can. Thank you, again.
Thank you, Michele. I'm doing the best I can.
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