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Saturday, January 27, 2007

It's YOUR Pain

It truly is…and will forever be.

Man loves a woman. Woman loves a man. So far so good. But we all know the story…there will someday come the pain. There is a certain inevitability to all this.

I imagine Yoda, sitting on a mossy stump (Am I the only one who thinks he’s an opium addict? No matter...). I picture him saying something like this:

“Pain. Pain Not. Choose. Pain Is You. Choose Is You…”

(Or something akin to that)

Look, I’m sorry I hurt you. I know I did. I’m ashamed that I did.
I regret that I did. I have shed countless tears, will shed countless more. I will…forever…bear this regret. I’m truly sorry for all that…but it’s your pain. I can’t heal you. I have my own pain to heal. We all do. Please…! Heal! Do whatever you must do to heal. But, it's all up to you, now. Not me. I can't do it for you. I can't fix you.

You see, it just doesn’t work any other way.

We woke to this world with only one true obligation. To love one another. We did not take our first breath, nor should we take our last, enslaved to another. It’s your pain; don’t wrap your pain around my throat, my wrists, my ankles…don't strangle my heart and soul.
Do not scourge me with it. I've been flayed enough. Too much.
It’s your pain. Deal with it as you must. I will love you for that. Suffer if you must. I will commiserate with you. Suffer if you must; heal any way you can. Do both with dignity. I will respect you for that.

We hurt. We all do. Not at the same time, nor all the time, but we will definitely suffer and we most certainly will hurt. But it’s our own pain. We must recognize it as such. We must own it as such. It’s not to be used as a club to beat someone into submission, compliance or servitude. It simply can't be that. It must never be that.

* * *

One can never heal that way anyway.

* * *


Blogger Sunny Delight said...

Oh strength here, anger here, and a that I think I must own.

And yes Yoda had a pipe hidden in his pocket, didn't you see the unedited DVD version?

Sun Jan 28, 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Yes, it was a message.

Sun Jan 28, 12:20:00 AM  
Blogger Sunny Delight said...

I have been beating at stones...believe me...and looking that fear in the face...fully for the first time, no more sidestepping.

Sun Jan 28, 12:32:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

That's a fearsome endeavor, I know, Ms. Delight. A most fearsome endeavor. I wish you well with every fiber of my being.

Sun Jan 28, 12:58:00 AM  
Blogger Fiona said...

It's true, about us owning our own pain, and our own grief. And the best gift we can give the one we love/loved is dignity in separation.

You don't stop loving, you just stop being together.

Great post, as always, Jonas. Thank you.

Sun Jan 28, 06:44:00 PM  
Blogger Sally-Sal said...

Wise words. A touch of anger, but anger is good--it means you've started to move on.

You're absolutely right. I'd like to add something, though. The pain of past relationships is *their* pain, not ours. Too often people bring that into the relationship, which dooms it from the start.

(big hug)

Sun Jan 28, 09:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you, Fiona.

I absolutely agree, Sal. People have to heal first before they can truly love another. The people who hang on to their pain merely repeat their tragedies over and over again.

Sun Jan 28, 09:46:00 PM  
Blogger Fiona said...

Damn...I just read it again....and I mean...I JUST READ IT AGAIN.

Mon Jan 29, 01:13:00 AM  
Blogger Green-Eyed Girl said...

Great post, and those two words, "own it" are ones I've been repeating to myself lately. Good advice. When it comes to healing, we all have to carry our own water.

Mon Jan 29, 03:02:00 AM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Fabulous words.. ty for sharing

Mon Jan 29, 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

So, Fiona, that faux-Yoda quote keeps drawing you back in, is that it?

Dear Green-Eyes...yes, we must somehow heal ourselves...with the help of a big flock of angels!

Thanks for stopping by, Cheesy!

Mon Jan 29, 02:41:00 PM  
Blogger Fiona said...

LOL...nope actually it's the whole post, the meaning in it, through it, behind it....

and especially

It’s not to be used as a club to beat someone into submission, compliance or servitude.

perhaps because that's exactly what I let someone do to me once upon a time.

Mon Jan 29, 07:29:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Haven't we all, Fiona?

Mon Jan 29, 08:12:00 PM  
Blogger anna said...

That was beautiful and moving and... and thank you.

Mon Jan 29, 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

You're welcome.

Mon Jan 29, 10:53:00 PM  
Blogger flutter said...


Thu Aug 09, 01:44:00 PM  

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