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Monday, September 06, 2010

Brittle



I got this feeling I struggled to identify and name. I’ve felt it niggling at me, then gnawing, for months now. A vulnerability I can’t quite describe.

For a while there, I thought it was the consequence of too much heartache. For a few too many years for my own good, I was lost in an emotional crucible filled to overflowing with searing pain too destructively volcanic, too blinding to perceive clearly. I had come to believe that just one more dollop of misery would lead to a galactic implosion.

But that hasn’t happened, though additional blows rain down.

The word “fragile” came to mind often enough. Physical pain provides ample incentive to baby aching joint, tendon or muscle. So, yes, I feel a mite fragile nowadays...but that’s not the whole of it.

As September heralds the season of long shadows, what I’ve come to believe is that I’m beginning to understand the leaf in autumn.

A leaf’s stint is short in duration but magnificent in scope. From the bud that bursts towards the sun, through fulgent growth, through trying days of wind, rain and heat, the leaf is Life manifest. But days grow short. With the diminutions of daylight’s radiance, the leaf morphs, becomes sere. It is fated to become...brittle. So brittle, in fact, that it loses grasp on tree and falls to ground. There to rest, eventually buried, to replenish the soil and nurture new Life.

This kindred spirit to the leaf is becoming brittle.

* * *

11 Comments:

Blogger June Calender said...

Yes, it becomes brittle and falls -- or floats -- down. But OH! how it's preceeded by a burst of glory, the red, the gold, some both red and gold! Some, like oak leaves, hang on a long time.

Mon Sep 06, 01:19:00 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

I'm with June: brittle is preceded by an excruciatingly beautiful brilliance, then picked up and swirled around by the wind for moments you might as well consider a lifetime. I totally get what you're saying. Sometimes though, it seems to me that my energy is better spent enjoying the change and not focusing on something that not only hasn't happened, but that I have no control over anyway.

Nice piece of writing, Jonas!

Mon Sep 06, 03:42:00 PM  
Blogger Wine and Words said...

I understand this Jonas and feel it in my own spirit. I told my husband just the other day that I could not longer languish in front of the TV for hours upon hours. Time was growing short. Life itself was wizzing by at an alarming rate, as was my own mortal deterioration.

There is a certain delicacy with which we lift a brittle leaf, carry it...in tenderness. I hold you in this way, whenever I visit here, wishing to replenish moisture, wishing you supple.

Mon Sep 06, 05:49:00 PM  
Blogger joanne said...

oh if i could only learn to fall as gracefully as an autumn leaf, still be beautiful even in brittleness, and have no fear of showing a less than colorful side.

Wed Sep 08, 04:03:00 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

I hear ya my friend.... but what a ride on the way to the ground eh?? Hang in there my luv!

Thu Sep 09, 08:24:00 AM  
Blogger Sunny Delight said...

These words of yours...worry me.
I miss talking to you.


Is faith in ourselves the answer my friend?

I wonder.

Much love,
S

Thu Sep 09, 09:00:00 PM  
Blogger Gabriela Abalo said...

Poignant post.
I know the feeling, a strong transformation sign… hang in there


loveNlight
Gabi

Sun Sep 12, 06:26:00 PM  
Blogger livingmydreams said...

hold me on the edge of vulnerability
that's when you'll see the true me
i'm fragile

sekp, is... this you?


i want you to know that the love i've been feeling is true...
but you haven't begun to feel what i will give
if now i know it's been you...

i will give you all of me
because i love you

Mon Sep 13, 02:23:00 AM  
Blogger livingmydreams said...

faith in ourselves, no.

faith in God is the answer

Wed Sep 15, 03:05:00 AM  
Blogger Kass said...

"...too much heartache." - and yet the dulling of emotions would be more devastating.

I like the idea of being brittle and breaking open into something new.

Mon Sep 20, 08:59:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Ah, I see that autumn imagery fills the eyes of my Dear Readers! Very good. Most excellent.

I do likes me the thought of "floating down," June.

Thank you, Mary!

Don't you go making me cry, Annie.

Methinks we ALL seek grace, Joanne.

I'm fine my Queen. I am. I just find it hard to explain.

No worries, Sunny. I'm in a kinda good place. As my best friend and I agreed, at the end of a very long, long distance call: "This is the emotionally richest phase in life!" (He had called to tell me he had suffered a stroke...and is now permanently blind in one eye).

Thank you, Gabi!

A most loving comment, LMD. But do we have here a case of mistaken identity? Alas, "sepk" rings no bell.

You're so right, Kass! This "dulling of emotions" business appalls. Best to feel it all. Feel it in our marrow, feel it all in our heart and soul.

Sun Sep 26, 10:04:00 PM  

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