Son of Commitment-Revisited

You’re probably getting tired of my scribblings about commitment.

Forgive me. It’s just that I forgot to mention something fundamental. Something I never, ever, want to forget myself. Something important enough to warrant an additional post. If you recall, I wrote:

“True commitment is the daily, never-ending, absolute commitment to your partner’s happiness.”

I forgot to mention one thing…(and it’s a critical thing):

Your partner must define what constitutes happiness for them.

I picture those of you wiser than I exclaiming: “Well, DUH!” In hindsight, it seems fairly obvious to me, now, as well (but not at all easy). I didn’t quite get it while I was striving to make my partner happy (and I was trying). You see, I was trying to do all the things
I thought would make my partner happy. Devoting oneself to your partner’s true happiness may entail a good bit of self-denial and sacrifice. It may entail living, doing and loving in ways you had not anticipated, ways you may have never chosen for yourself, if the choice were yours alone to make. Another soul’s happiness may take us to places foreign to our own, perhaps mystical, perhaps completely incomprehensible. And one cannot blithely assume a partner will (or even can) express what constitutes personal happiness clearly and unequivocally. After all, we ourselves often do not recognize our own true needs. We must rely on a constant curiosity, a perpetual state of open wonder regarding our partner’s heart and soul to glean the crumbs that lead to understanding. Loving someone the way they need to be loved may not even be the way we know how to love. If one wishes to live happily ever after, one must learn whatever one must learn.

This commitment to your partner’s happiness is a complicated business, no?

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