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Thursday, June 21, 2007

Father and Son

Another Fathers’ Day came and went. A weekend of lost dreams.
Days spent staring at a blinking cursor on an empty white screen.
I want to write about him. I want to share my dreams and secrets, but cannot find the words.

I cannot find the words I’ve sought for year on year on year...



I loved my father
idolized him
adored him
emulated him

still do…

* * *

21 Comments:

Blogger Fiona said...

I started a post for Father's Day. I only got as far as the title. It was 'A Wee Dram', in salute to a fine Scotsman.

But I could find no more words to speak or write of him. I spent the time instead remembering. And knowing that I just keep him close to me every day in my actions, as a part of me.

I understand Jonas, and I feel for you.

Thu Jun 21, 09:43:00 PM  
Blogger ever_trying said...

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes the love we feel for our family can't be expressed in words. Thanks for your comment, and I wish you a wonderful summer as well!

Thu Jun 21, 10:12:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

That was my experience exactly, Fiona. Memories came rushing in and overwhelmed. There's so much to be written. So much so, the words get lost in the immense jumble.

Thank you, ET. I'm delighted you dropped by!

Fri Jun 22, 07:04:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Amazing, isn't it?

How no words, no matter how beautiful or elegant or simple, can express certain emotions?

I think that is because there are some things that are just meant to be beautiful beyond description.

Fri Jun 22, 08:38:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

"...there are some things that are just meant to be beautiful beyond description."

I do believe you are right, Jenn.

Fri Jun 22, 08:53:00 AM  
Blogger Laurie Anne said...

Jonas, it will come. Spilling out, when ripe.

Fri Jun 22, 11:16:00 AM  
Blogger Gillette said...

He was a lucky man to call you son. My guess is the feelings were more than reciprocated. You were both blessed to have been able to have each other while here and share such a deep love.

And if there is an afterlife, and in that afterlife we recognize those we came here to be with, I'm sure he will be the first in line to greet you with his arms wide open.

Fri Jun 22, 12:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Grace said...

Sometimes the highest honor we can pay another is by how we live our lives rather than by the words we speak. Your silence speaks volumes and, I'm guessing, your life even more. I loved the pictured, Jonas. Thank you for sharing it.

Fri Jun 22, 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

My father died 19 years ago, Laurie. Each year, on Fathers' Day and his birthday, I try to convey all that he meant to me. I've yet to find the words, and the emotions grow deeper, richer and stronger with every passing year. Maybe someday?

Oh, yes, the feelings were definitely reciprocated, Ms. Gillette. The love we had for each other was pure and true...

Thank you, Grace. In truth, though, my father was a better man than I. I will go to my grave aspiring to be more like him.

Fri Jun 22, 07:48:00 PM  
Blogger Sunny Delight said...

I believe you did find the words...simple, most loving words...

I loved my father
idolized him
adored him
emulated him

still do…

Sat Jun 23, 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you, Sunny!

Sat Jun 23, 12:57:00 PM  
Blogger Amaris said...

ah... others, like me, can empathize. honestly, i hate that i can empathize, but am happy that you have a small crowd of encouragement. its a strange community--the grieving folk. i believe we have a strange blessing in how we view life...

i couldnt get past the blinking line, either... so I wrote about a different kind of memory instead, a memory about travel. not to forget, but to just dwell on the act of remembering.

you dont always have to find words. its a trap at times, to wrap your emotions in the bonds of text...

Sun Jun 24, 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Oh, my little starboard heart, I ache for you knowing that you lost your father too early...far too early. But, yes, you are right, there are blessings to be found within the tears.

How did you get to be so wise so young?

Sun Jun 24, 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger Sally-Sal said...

Your dad is smiling now, at the wonderful man you've become.

Sun Jun 24, 05:40:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you, Sal. You are a sweetie!

Sun Jun 24, 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger Laurie Anne said...

Jonas, I got tagged with the blogger's quiz of choosing 10 songs that are important and why. I've listed mine. I'd love to see your selections. Do you want to play? Laurie

Mon Jun 25, 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger anna said...

The fact that you believe you'll go to your grave aspiring to be more like him speaks volumes. I think you have found the words. Who says everything worth expressing has to be as long as a novella?

Mon Jun 25, 04:11:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Sure, Laurie, I'll play...but not any time soon. I'm in the middle of moving this week and have very little time to think about anything except packing and then unpacking. My days are no longer my own (and all my CD's are huddled forlorn within dark storage boxes piled high. Once I come up for air, I'll ponder which songs meant the most to me and why. If I forget...well...just kick me in the butt!

Tue Jun 26, 02:28:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Ah, it's good to see you out and about, Anna. Thank you so much for your kind words!

Tue Jun 26, 02:29:00 AM  
Blogger Amaris said...

wisdom is just common sense sometimes... or truth that you cant avoid.

Sun Jul 01, 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

See, Amaris? I said that you were wise...(smiling).

Sun Jul 01, 12:37:00 PM  

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