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Monday, February 04, 2008

Looking Back


* * *

I presume it’s only natural, once one reaches the "gray-hair" years,
to look back upon the love stories in one’s life. Well, natural for me, anyway.

The young have only fables, dreams and fantasies to contemplate. Not a bad state to be in, mind you, but it’s the realm of the young and the innocent. The gray-haired live in a different state.

It takes a few decades (a lifetime, actually) before fables morph to real-life drama, before our dreams give way to realities and our fantasies are displaced by facts. Whatever we dreamed “love” would mean, it turned out to be different, no?

What pains me the most, when I look back on my life and my own true love stories, is that I failed to realize my dreams...and my dreams were based on something real: my parents’ love story. The love my parents had for each other was so palpable and so enduring, that I assumed I could love, and be loved, the same. I had no idea it would be so hard, so confounding and draining. I failed in love in ways I never expected. I grasped for something I knew to be real...possible...
and came up empty-handed.

Funny how life works.

* * *

24 Comments:

Blogger flutter said...

isn't it though?

Mon Feb 04, 03:20:00 PM  
Blogger liv said...

that last paragraph. yes.

Mon Feb 04, 03:34:00 PM  
Blogger anna said...

It ain't over yet.

Mon Feb 04, 08:42:00 PM  
Blogger Sunny Delight said...

Ah, Delicious One,
It seems our thoughts have followed a somewhat similar theme of late...although you, in your oh-so-advanced-years (insert coquettish grin here) have more gray hair showing than I do.

Life is funny the way it works. You witnessed a great love as a child, I witnessed a rather destructive one...and yet...we both lost in love...Yep, life works...oddly.

As an aside...I love the photo you used, it is very similar to an image that has lived in my mind for years...

Mon Feb 04, 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

The search for true meaningful love should never end,,, until your last breath escapes you~~

Tue Feb 05, 08:29:00 AM  
Blogger deb said...

You're not dead yet, you may yet still find a love like your parent's had.

Tue Feb 05, 01:42:00 PM  
Blogger Roads said...

Hey, mate. It ain't over until the fat lady sings.

And she's got eyes for you, anyway.

As well as a few thin ones, too. Or so I hear.

Wed Feb 06, 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you, Dear Hearts, for your comments. Yes, there is still life in this dusty carcass...and hope springs eternal, no?

Thanks for stopping by, Liv.

Delicious One? Oh, my!

Thu Feb 07, 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Sure, over the years our hearts may be broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

Thu Feb 07, 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Ah, Ms. Cheese, methinks I've had my fill of the joys of imperfection. Gimme a bit of the pain of perfection...

(I'm smiling)

Thu Feb 07, 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger Acacia said...

I just came across your blog tonight...I think you are an amazing person.

Thu Feb 07, 09:51:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

My goodness, Acacia, thank you!

In truth, I'm just a very tired, very mortal, very spent human being. But, thank you.

Thank you.

Thu Feb 07, 10:28:00 PM  
Blogger Serenity said...

What a thoughtful post.
Funny that i interpreted my parent's own deep love for each other as a completely unrealistic example, not as something that i as a mere mortal could ever aspire to.
At least, that's how i felt in my marriage. Now.. it's done, i'm over it, and i now get a glimpse of what that might actually feel like. and i do like.

Tue Feb 12, 09:53:00 PM  
Blogger thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

I'm not in my gray years yet, but I'm already looking back.

And Anna has a point, methinks.

Tue Feb 12, 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Ah...thank you for those thoughtful comments, Ms. Serenity and Ms. TWPITG...and, yes...it's not over, yet, for any of us.

Wed Feb 13, 12:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

one of the greatest (if not only) strife in my life is my uncertainty regarding love, and what love is. i am young and have witnessed both cases of love and marriage: what NOT to do and more recently, what to do that works. it seems to me like love is intense lust from the beginning, and the key is opening up to each other in full, so that neither person needs to ever feel like they're "not good enough" or that they're "hiding something." after that, it seems inevitable that what attracted you to each other will soon to annoy you, however, if you can turn these annoyances/peeves/predictable mannerisms into lighthearted jokes and begin to work as a team, i'm beginning to believe it would be the best form of a more committed relationship (or marriage).

Mon Feb 18, 02:30:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

You are wise for a young 'un, Anon. Melding two souls together is a complicated business. I wish you well in your endeavors.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Mon Feb 18, 04:53:00 AM  
Blogger the psycho therapist said...

Good morning. It is early on the east coast as I write.

I've come by way of Flutter, also new to me this day, from Meno, equally new as of this week. I haven't commented on either site as of yet but I know I will...in time.

The last paragraph of this post grabbed me hard. It is a pain I've carried for close to fifty one years (eegads!). It is my deepest wish to have such grace before I leave this lifetime. We shall see what lies ahead.

Looking at your profile...love and own "Mumford" and "84 Charing Cross", "Baraka" is at the top of most beloved movies and is the first one I purchased after breaking the what's-the-point-of-buying-something-I've-already-seen barrier, "Rabbit Proof Fence" being the catalyst for that action.

And Tom Petty? His is the only place I actually worship. I've attended "service" at least twenty five times.

Okie dokie, that's a fine howdy do for now.

Best to you.

~ Wendy

Sat Feb 23, 05:36:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

And a mighty fine howdy do that was, Wendy.

I'm glad you dropped by.

Sat Feb 23, 10:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Sophmom said...

...and I have wandered in by way of Wendy's, only I have also wandered back in time (posts) to say that it seems to me life's most important lessons lie within the surprises, the unexpected, those times we thought we knew for sure but turned out wrong.

Word verification "wuohmym" - whatever that means. :)

Fri Feb 29, 08:34:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Yes, sophmom, Life has been just one unexpected surprise after another.

Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to share your thoughts...anytime or anywhere.

Sat Mar 01, 06:52:00 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

I haven't visited you before, but found you on Shadowlands blog Your photos are quite amazing.

As I read your memories of your parents love and the affect it had on you, makes me note I never thought of my parents love for most of my life--did they, didn't they? Eventually, I realized how devoted they were to each other, that to be separated was unimaginable regardless of differences. They were one until death did part them for an interim period.

I now have been with the same person since 1974. We parallel my parents relationship. Regardless how hard we may battle nothing can happen that is so terrible that we would separate. We are the one they were.

As others have said, there is as much time left as you wish to give to find a love like your parents enjoyed, but you must be willing to give of yourself fully each day and never falter in your belief of your mate.

I have an undeveloped blog here, but I also have a developed one on wordpress if you would like to visit-
http://crepusculum60.wordpress.com/

I enjoyed my visit to you very much. My best
Frank

Wed Mar 05, 06:56:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

I'm glad you stopped by, Frank. Even happier that you found your life's partner. Thanks for commenting.

By the way, lest there be some misunderstanding, there are precious few photographs in this blog that are mine. I cull images from the Internet to paste in this virtual scrapbook of mine. I search until I find an image that resonates within me. I'm glad you enjoy them as much as I.

Sun Mar 09, 05:45:00 PM  
Blogger Sixdegrees said...

But I think that the only failure is to quit trying.

Sat Apr 26, 08:40:00 AM  

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