This Business of Dying
Weighs ever more heavily on me.
I believe I’m suffering from “grief fatigue.” I’ve reached that age when I find myself
saying good-bye to all too many. I’m
becoming ever more aware of the reality of mortality.
My own included.
I find it challenging to “process” all of this. Life once seemed to be a matter of endless
possibilities. Decades later, Life seems
to hang on a thread.
My Mother once said to me:
“It’s a sad fate to outlive all of your friends.”
“It’s a sad fate to outlive all of your friends.”
I doubt I’ll outlive all that many of my closest
friends. Truth be told, I’m on a course
to expire before most.
Neither possibility appeals.
It takes quite a few years to comprehend fully this business
of dying.
I’m grateful I’ve lived long enough.
Sad that I finally understand.
* * *
posted by Jonas | 5/30/2014 10:01:00 PM
7 Comments:
I've been thinking about death a lot lately as well. My good friend has a cancer and I work with dying people everyday, some of those dying are as young as six years old. It reminds me everyday that my days are numbered. And I wonder what is the point of all this? There must be a point, right?
death has been a constant traveling companion since i was 4 years old. i learned at 9 that death wasn't reserved for the aged when a friend my age died of cancer. and that lesson would be repeated over and over as more and more peers were living short lives, taken by diseases young people weren't supposed to get (as if anyone is supposed to ).
and when my own walk with chronic pain and illness began over 25 years ago i realized that death was in me too... all the time.
right alongside life.
and life that feels..unlived.
i haven't reconciled anything about my fear of death... mine, or of those i love.
there is a cemetery on a hill that overlooks a beautiful canyon nearby. i visit it often. i look at the grave markers as if they might give me strength... i look out over those rows and i ask the dead for reassurance.
all of you did this.
i can too, right?
they don't answer.
but i keep asking.
Your post is so well said,and so heart stabbing I have been thinking about it for a few days since I read it. The impulse is to say something to comfort you but in the face of death I think there can only be acceptance and no real comfort -- not for those like myself who cannot believe in anything after death. It will come, for some it will be welcome but for most of us it will be too soon, whether our own or that of people we care about.
All of your comments, lily, joanne and June, give me pause. You are each wise and quintessentially human. This "business of dying" is something we must each grapple with in our own unique way(s).
It is the hardest thing about growing older, this realisation that time just pushes us full kilter towards the inevitability of death. Saying goodbye and dealing with the grief is so hard - there can be an element of feeling this business of life is somewhat pointless. I guess that's where faith comes in whether it be religious faith, spiritual faith or a faith that life happens just as it should. But that faith is shaken when we lose people we love. Death and the sorrow that accompanies it is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. And you're right - we can only come to terms with it in our own way.
Yes. I'm on the road trip too.
We're all dying, no? Yes. As a young child I experienced so much death I used to stay awake at night & check my mom's breathing. My father, 5 cousins in a horrific car wreck (2 double funerals), and several more relatives---all before I was 12 years old. Death has been my companion all my life. I wish you hope & happiness & peace of mind. I escape in reading, poetry, prayer & writing. Misery really does love company. :-) Blessings, Marion
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