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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Are You Content?


I posed this question to a friend:

Are you content?”

Silence ensued. I understood. That’s not a question answerable with a simplistic “yes/no.”

Am I content?” I asked myself

I pondercated a bit. Yes and no. I’m satisfied with approximately two-thirds of my life. That’s right, I’m content with roughly four decades outta purt near six. I've experienced forty years of decent (often joyous) living. Twenty years o’ Hell.

And it’s not like those forty “good” years were all that good or easy. They weren’t. I’m a human being, I’m talkin’ ‘bout 40 years of trials and tribulations. Even so, I consider them my “good” years because I know I did the best I could, bringing to bear all the skills that I possessed in search of the best possible outcomes. Still, there were tears. Buckets. Because I didn't always succeed...in fact, I failed often. The outcomes varied. But that don’t matter much to me. I did the best I could.

Then there are the “twenty.” A third of my life haunts me. I’m troubled knowing I wasn't true. I hurt, knowing I hurt others. Forgiveness remains out of reach. I squandered a third of my life being less than I could or should have been.

I did damage. Threw away gifts and sold myself cheap.

Am I content?” I ask myself

No. Not really.

* * *

15 Comments:

Blogger Kass said...

Ouch.
At least you have self-awareness and the ability to pondercate.

Land's sake, you're
"... one who's changed his mind for no word ever said,
can sound as sweet as PURT NEAR when a man's been purt near dead!"

(you just rattled the expression cage...and used one of my favorite two-word ones)

Fri Jul 02, 01:45:00 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

contentment is vastly overrated

Fri Jul 02, 02:10:00 AM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

The level of contentment varies from moment to moment. So never being static means the answer to that question is "at times" for me.

Fri Jul 02, 08:43:00 AM  
Blogger Gabriela Abalo said...

I'm content, I embrace who I'm and all the things that happened in my life, thanks to them I'm who I'm today.

I'm thankful for all my blessing, even for the ones that come in disguise.

Great post.

loveNlight
Gabi

Fri Jul 02, 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I've made so many mistakes in my life, big and little and yet I am content for the most part. All of the mistakes have made me who I am today and have brought me to the awareness I now have.

We all hurt people Jonas, we all hurt ourselves even more. We're human.

Fri Jul 02, 07:06:00 PM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Yes, Kass, sometimes it's good to reflect back...in order to find one's way forward. I'm thinkin' I'm purt near done with self-flagellation. (Or mebbe not)

Hey! Mary! So glad you dropped by (it's been a while). Contentment has its place (as do most elemental human emotions). Give me enough good music and I can survive it all.

And Ponita, Gabi, Deb...

Yes. Yes. And yes.

Fri Jul 02, 09:02:00 PM  
Blogger Woman in a Window said...

Here we are alive, ready for today and tomorrow, still looking toward yesterday from time to time. That's not so bad. There is learning and growth from even those bad times. That's gotta be something, doesn't it.

(Purt near...ha!)

xo
erin

Sat Jul 03, 09:18:00 AM  
Blogger June Calender said...

You inspired some good, thoughtful answers. Some words have different definitions for different people, I hadn't realized "content" was one along with "love" and "happy" but I see it is.

I think I have a basis of contentment which is slightly iced over with a slick of unrealized dreams that make for a discontent. Hadn't thought of it that way until just now at your inspiration.

Sat Jul 03, 08:27:00 PM  
Blogger Wine and Words said...

The hardest forgiveness is to self. But even "throwing away gifts and selling yourself cheap" has an effect on what we treasure now. Such years give sight, as much as they give hindsight! Am I content? Nobody even asks me that anymore, so that's gotta say somethin'.

Sun Jul 04, 12:30:00 AM  
Blogger Selma said...

I really like Mary's comment. I think that is very true. It seems that it is part of the human experience to have regrets and for our sense of contentment to ebb and flow. Makes us more interesting than those whose life is perfect, that's for sure!

Wed Jul 07, 12:56:00 AM  
Blogger Jonas said...

Thank you all for the thoughtful comments. You'll get no argument from me on any point. All are valid.

Wed Jul 07, 09:17:00 AM  
OpenID runwithmu.com said...

Regret is a black hole to an imagined past; expectation is a prison for a fictional future. We gotta live now, JD; it's the only Real there is.

So easy to say, right?

Wed Jul 07, 10:39:00 AM  
Blogger joanne said...

I'm really stuck on this question... so, I'm thinking that means "no"...

but I'm also thinking I may not be nearly as bothered by discontent as I used to be.

Thu Jul 08, 01:50:00 AM  
Blogger Titanium said...

So glad to have discovered you- even if it came under the Thoughts.com cloud.

Mon Jul 12, 06:34:00 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

I am starting to get my wanderlust itches.. so contentment is not in my vocabulary at the moment....

Tue Jul 13, 11:09:00 PM  

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