Letters Never Written
I’ve tried composing so many letters, countless letters, in my head. They never came to be ink on paper, pixels on a monitor. There have been so very many letters never actually written…never sent.
Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps it would have been for the best to put pain into words and the words onto paper. Written in blood, if necessary.
Then again, I simply couldn’t. Deafened and defeated by my own sobs, too full of questions, too overcome by anguish, how could
I have even hoped to cry a coherent thought onto paper?
The best I probably could have managed might be this one word:
Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps it would have been for the best to put pain into words and the words onto paper. Written in blood, if necessary.
Then again, I simply couldn’t. Deafened and defeated by my own sobs, too full of questions, too overcome by anguish, how could
I have even hoped to cry a coherent thought onto paper?
The best I probably could have managed might be this one word:
“Why?”
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posted by Jonas | 2/25/2007 01:35:00 PM
20 Comments:
*sob* I know the feeling!
...actually for me it would have been: 'Why not?'...*sob* *sigh*
Why is the hardest to answer. The what's, when's, who's, where's...can all be answered. The why, rarely, especially at the time we ask it.
But then as we continue on our path, sometimes the things that life brings us gives us at least a part of the answer. Why? Because this was meant to be my future, not that.
Why indeed. I'm not good at not having an answer when I ask why. Not understanding the why makes it to difficult to accept the what.
Interesting comments all. Thank you.
Funny how a phrase can lodge itself within my brain, and then slowly seep into my consciousness.
Fiona, your comment "...this was meant to be my future, not that." is resonating within my mind and heart. Methinks you may be right.
I often think of this quote from Dag Hammarskjöld:
'For all that has been, thanks;
For all that will be YES!'
Ah, Your Majesty, I like that. YES!
A bow and an Oscar for me then :) tee hee!!!!
Jonas, everything on the path is there for a reason, I've always believed that. Even when we can't for the life of us understand the purpose at the time :)
Jonas, I think as Fiona intuits, the answer to why never comes until we are healed from the very cause of us asking the painful wounding whys.
We may never truly find the answer to the question, but retracing the trail of tears along the healing path of why, leads us to a better one.
As to writing it, there comes a time, when we can, sometimes (for people like me) it is a must, I have no choice. The why courses through my brain, feeling as if it is destroying my heart, but then one day, something happens, and I have to pour it all out on paper. Then, I know I am on the path to healing. But that is me. We all have own healing journeys, our own way of arriving.
That one sent me back to another time, before I even realised.
For Catherine, wherever life may find her.
'Music was my first love,
and it will be my last' - John Miles
That's a poignant comment, Roads.
It would appear that many (dare I say most of us?) carry within letters never written.
...I wrote them, just never sent them...well, I sent one...quite cathartic...he was, and still is, my greatest love...do you EVER get over them???
Not so poignant, really, just that it's practically impossible to live a life without regrets.
She was my first real girlfriend, and I treated her badly. Because she loved me. We wrote to each other, nearly every day. We shared that song.
And we had some fantastic times together, before I broke her heart.
Would we rather not have lived those times ? I wouldn't have missed them for the world, but you'd have to ask her as well. Wherever you might find her.
Part of my ability to love the way I do today, is having had my heart broken.
Another interesting perspective, Fi...and it rings true.
Having your heart broken strengthens you for when the real love of your life enters.
Without heartbreak, maybe our hearts could not handle the love that is meant for us.
I hope you are right, Ms. Sally. I sincerely, truly hope you are right.
I really believe what Sally is saying.
Another thing I have learned in my passage through life. That people who marry early, without having had a few relationships under their belt, without having felt heartbreak, so very often don't appreciate the person to whom they are married. Because they haven't felt the pain of loss.
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